Someday I'm gonna get it right, my life

Someday you're wondering if you're really gonna make it

Sometimes you wanna know if there's anyone to save you

I know you came down before, like cannot leave the ground

Still got a little chance to turn it all around

Just know your time will come, forgive it all you got

Don't stop believing, forgive it all you got

Put me on the train

Send me back to my home

-Māmiņa ļoti mīl Emmiņu. Emmiņa arī mīl māmiņu?

-E-e

Neparakstāms prieks saņemot franču valodas eksāmenā 16 no 20! Kas ir otrā labākā atzīme klasē un kas atbrīvo no otrā eksāmena saņemot 16 kā semestra atzīmi!!! :)))

baigais nūģa ieraksts bet man tomēr prieks haha

un kurš lai noliegtu to, ka esmu nerd! :)

attention. gandrīz visiem Frančiem ir jāpārraksta jo ir saņemts mazāk par 10. Tad nu sanāk ka es un manas draudzenes krievu ir saņēmušas vairāk par 14 un nav jāraksta otrais eksāmens Janvārī...

Mēs vienkārši ESAM ģeniālas! :)))

v

Es būšu mājās pēc desmit dienām! :)))))

It takes some silence to make sound

And It takes a loss before you found it
It takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to make you care
It takes a hole to make a mountain

Nu ko lai saka...

Ur so gay and you don't even like boys!

Aizvien vairāk un vairāk darba kuriozu, tā, ka smejies līdz asarām un slēpies, lai neviens neredz! yuh!

Man ir internets istabā, uz kādu laiku! Forši :)

Bet vispār starpeksāmeni, rītdienas ekonomika, bankas darbība un finanses, mani biedē līdz nāvei!

Ah un es nevaru pārtraukt ballēties, es sev nosolījos, ka viss. Pietiks ballīšu, sēdēšu mājās un mācīšos, bet nepagāja ne 3 dienas, rītdien jau atkal es eju! Es nevaru atteikt! Un tad sestdien lielā Lady Gaga ballīte, un tad otrdien dzimšanas dienas ballīte! Man tiešām ir jābeidz! Bet man visu laiku gribas! :D

Lai visiem labs garastāvoklis neskatoties uz visiem darbiem, eksāmeniem, neveiksmēm un ikdienas rutīnu! Mēs taču esam laimīgi, jo esam viens otram!

es tevi nesaprotu.

L is for love: iedvesmai

L is for love: iedvesmai: "Kādu rītu Vombats pamodās un jutās tik laimīgs, ka vajadzēja nostāties uz galvas. Labi, ka viņa galvas virsa bija plakana, tāpēc viņš varēja..."

Mēs bieži daram to, ko vēlāk nožēlojam. Tā ir cilvēka daba, reflekss, ko nav iespējams apturēt. Teikt jā vai nē, un tikai tad domāt ar galvu un nožēlot pateikto. Un tad pēc izdarītās kļūdas saprast, ka ir par vēlu, par vēlu teikt pretējo. Jo izklausīsies kā muļķis, kā neprātīgais, vai bērns, kas nav spējīgs pieņemt nopietnus lēmumus. Man ir smagi rakstīt šo visu tagad, jo es redzu draudzenes asaras par pieļauto kļūdu. Es redzu viņas piespiesto smaidu un piespiestos melus: viss ir labi, es esmu laimīga. Un tad pēkšņi asaras ne no šā ne no tā, un viņas īstās emocijas, ko viņa patur sevī.

No sākuma tā bija tikai spēle. Pirmā reize īstās attiecībās, satraukums, smiekli. Tik sasodīti vienkārša spēle, kas pārvērtās nopietnā dzīves realitātē - saderināšanās un apzināšanās, ka ar šo cilvēku būsi saistīta visu mūžu.

Bet vai tu esi apzinājusies, ka negribi, lai viņš tevi apskauj, negribi lai viņš tev zvana, negribi, lai viņš kontrolē tevi un kļūst greizsirdīgs. Vai esi apzinājusies to, ka šis cilvēks, lai cik stipri tevi mīl, nekad nebūs tavai sirdij vienīgais. Šī cilvēka dēļ, tu pametīsi savus draugus, tu aizbrauksi prom tur, kur neviena nav. Būs tikai viņš. Un kas ir viņš? Es gribu maldīties, es gribu, lai viss ko rakstu ir meli, lai lasot šo ierakstu pēc gadiem es priecātos par to, ka viss ir labi un viņa ir laimīga.

Un mēs neko nevaram darīt. Es raudu ar viņu, jo saprotu dvēseles tukšumu, ko viņa izjūt.

Viņa nav tik stipra, lai atteiktu, lai vecākiem pierādītu, ka viņa ir spējīga būt patstāvīga un pieņemt savus patstāvīgus lēmumus. Es gribu, lai daļa no mana "rebel" rakstura pārietu viņā.

Lai viņa spētu atteikt.

Viņa ir jauna un skaista. Es nesapratīšu nekad. Laime ir brīvībā...bet viņai tās nav.

Vecie laiki, kad nesāpēja un sirds nepazina skumjas! Tad bija arī sapņi.

Es nesapratu un visu sarežģīju, taisot ziepju operu scēnas savā galvā. Bet šodien es beidzot sapratu. Es paskatījos uz sevi. Tas ir tik sasodīti vienkārši!!!

I know there's other fish out in the sea...

Not for me...

I want you !

Parīzē var gan notikt tā, ka restorānu beidz ar filmu oficianta pavadībā! :)

Pie manis bija Magda atbraukusi no Troyes!

Tad nu es atkal jau izstaigáju visu Parízi ar kájám, iegádájos dažus foršus, bet neparedzētus pirkumus, bet kopumā bija forši! xx

17-28 Decembris. Mājas

āh un es nopirku čainiku Tefal un tagad man katru vakaru ir tēja ar kūciņām, kruasāniem, iebiezināto pienu un konfektēm! ņam

p.s. lai to visu noslēptu un pieslīpētu no rīta un vakarā 50 vēder preses un ir ok!

I tried to do handstands for you, I tried to do handstands for you, But everytime I fell for you.. Got bruises on my knees for you, And grass stains on my knees for you, Got holes in my new jeans for you, Got pink and black and blue :))

Es ļoti ļoti iespējams būšu Rīgā novembra sākumā. Un ļoti ļoti iespējams, ka atlidošu ne viena! Bet vēl nekas nav drošs, kamēr biļetes nav rokā.

BNP Paribas Tennis! Hmmm.. būs forši! :)))

Stulbie francūži! Tiešām, ietiepīgie āži, kas tālāk par savu pakaļu neko neredz!

a ticket to Paris, that was all i had

Ir pagājis gads, kopš esmu prom! Gads! Ak Gads! Tas ir tik daudz, man tik ļoti neticas, un jā, ak, es joprojām tik ļoti negribētu atkārtot visu, ko esmu pārdzīvojusi. Un man ir tik ļoti liels prieks, ka es to tomēr izdarīju, un man pietika drosmes, jo tagad, man liekas, man nepietiktu drosmes to visu atkārtot.

Arī viss atbalsts, ko saņēmu no savas ģimenes, un draugiem, man tik ļoti palīdzēja. Es nekur netiktu bez viņiem. Man laikam jāpiemin arī Vincents šajā sadaļā, lai cik ļoti negribētos. Viņš man palīdzēja tik daudz. Laikam bez viņa es nekur tā arī neaizbrauktu. Cilvēks, kas bija pirmais, kas man paziņoja, ka esmu pieņemta universitātē, un ka man ir jālido pēc 30 dienām prom. Cilvēks, kas bija 24 stundas dienā pie klausules kopā ar mani, lai palīdzētu un pārliecinātos, ka man viss ir labi, esmu iekārtojusies, man pietiek naudas, es visu saprotu franču valodā un tā tālāk. Paldies viņam. Laikam tas teiciens, kad saka, ka viss, kas notiek, tā tam ir jābūt, un tas notiek tikai uz labu, šajā gadījumā attaisnojas.

Un paldies manai mīļajai mammītei, kas tik ļoti centās, lai man viss sanāktu, un cik daudz naudas viņa man sūtīja, kad pašai nebija ne graša kabatā, un nebija arī ko ēst, un Emmiņai nopirkt kādu gardumu :( Bet viņa sūtīja. Un es vienmēr varēju uz viņu paļauties. Un arī tagad protams. Un Denam, tik ļoti milzīgs paldies, ak, ja mammīte nebūtu viņu satikusi. Un viņš mani audzināja kā savu meitu. Un brauca strādāt, lai man apmaksātu mācības ārzemēs. Es dažreiz sev prasu, kādēļ viņš tā darīja. Kāpēc tā rūpējās, un kāpēc viņam tik ļoti rūp arī tagad. Man tas liekas tik ļoti no sirds, ka man tagad kamols kaklā stāv un gribas raudāt un priecāties par to, ka tādi cilvēki ir man apkārt. Un tad arī mans tētis, viņš arī man palīdzēja, ne tik daudz cik vajadzētu, bet palīdzēja. Un draugi, kas mani pavadīja lidostā, un Lienīšu pārsteigums, kad viņas mani satika Decembrī. Un Katia, protams, bez kuras būtu miljons reižu grūtāk iekārtoties šajā milzīgajā pilsētā, kas tagad man gan liekas tik maza un mīlīga, un kuru es noteikti zinu daudz labāk par Rīgu.

Es laikam esmu daudz ko sasniegusi pa šo gadu. Laikam lielākais sasniegums ir prasme dzīvot patstāvīgi, prasme izdzīvot starp svešiem, un iekarot vietu tur, kur tu esi svešs. To iekarot, un atkal justies kā starp savējiem un šo vietu uztvert par savām otrajām mājām.

Es dažreiz domāju, kā būtu ja būtu... bet no vienas domas par to, ka es nekad nesatiktu cilvēkus, kas man pašlaik ir apkārt, man paliek slikti un gribas kliegt, NĒ, TAS NAV IESPĒJAMS. Puse no manas dzīves tad būtu nogriezta un es justos tukša.

Vēl visas emocijas, ko esmu šeit izjutusi- prieku, gandarījumu, milzīgas bailes, bēdas un asaras, lepnumu, nedrošības sajūtu, draugu atbalstu, dusmas, mīlestību, neticamo sajūtu, kad kaut kas neticams notiek.. un vēl pārējo...to visu šeit es izjutu milzīgās dozās, nu teiksim piecas reizes lielākās, nekā Latvijā. Es nezinu kāpēc gan tā.

Un tad man arī liekas, ka es pa šo gadu varētu žigli vien nosirmot, ar visām problēmām ar ko sastapos. Ar visām dzīvokļu maiņām, naudas problēmām, cilvēku krāpšanas, mašīnas avārijas, bankas problēmām, darba meklēšanām, bezgalīgām intervijām, skolas problēmām, pirmā kursa darba rakstīšanas franču valodā, dzīvošanas kopā ar pelēm, ar pieciem aziātiem, tad atkal ar vīrieti nepazīstamu, tad visām mīlestības un zēnu problēmām.. un visu laiku ilgstošām ilgām pēc mājām, mammas un Emmiņas. Grūti.

Bet gads ir pagājis. Un viss ir samērā stabilizējies. Man ir jumts virs galvas, darbs, skola un tuvi cilvēki. Tas jau ir daudz.

Ja vienīgi man blakus augtu Emmiņa, un blakus būtu mammīte kopā ar Denu. Es vairs nekad nekad nekad nežēlotos, un nekad vairs neko vairāk nevēlētos un neprasītu. Bet laikam tā perfekti nekad nekas nenotiek. Un tad vienkārši ir jācīnās, lai sasniegtu!

Man ir labi, bet tajā pašā laikā arī nē. Gribu mājās. Bet gribu arī te. Bet vairāk mājās. Drīz.

Ā un Septembris joprojām ir lielisks!

one of happy days

One Republic

September is my favorite, indeed it is! Look how wonderfull is outside!

I love Emma.

I love her as I never loved anyone before!

Cik diivaini ir tas... domaajot par to, ka mans braaleens riit lidos prom, man paliek taa nedaudz skumji. Lai arii saskreejaamies ar vinju tikai 3 vai 4 reizes, fakts, ka vieniigais cilveeks, mans radinieks, kursh bija tepat blakaaam, ja ne visu laiku ar mani, bet tomeer vienaa pilseetaa, izmantoja to pashu metro, staigaaja pa taam pashaam Pariizes ielaam, pat runaaja latviski, riit lidos prom un es atkal palikshu viena, shajaa milziigajaa pilseetaa, bez neviena neviena neviena, taa teikt no savas gimenes, liek man nolaist rokas. Gimene ir kaut kas tik ljoti svariigs. Tikai retos gadiijumos taa tiek noveerteeta un par to man ir zheel, laikam gan pashai sevis. Jo man nav taadas iespeejas. Noveerteet un buut blakus.

Shiis gan nav skumjas, vieniigi paardomas.

Bet dažreiz pasaule liekas tik ļauna un negodīga. Un tad paliek skumji. Ļoti. Zinu, skumjas, tās man pāries. Bet pasaule tomēr nemainīsies.

Kurš gan varētu Parīzes naktī, pavisam skaidrā prātā skraidīt gar upi, rāpties uz sienām un kokiem, lai atgūtu karotes, kas tiek katra pa vienai paslēptas 10 metrus augstā mūrī, iespraustas zemē vai kokā. Kāpēc gan karotes, tas jau cits temats, kaut gan arī tiek labi savienojams ar visu iepriekšējo, mēs neesam normāli. Kurš gan vēl rīkotu sacensības, kurš atskries lēnāk dabūs divas pļaukas, un tad skriešana pārvēršas par rāpošanu ar kājām un rokām līdz finišam. Kurš gan nav izmērījis visas manas jakas, kuras tagad ir izstaipītas un galīgi nenēsājamas un kuram jau ir kolekcija ar fotogrāfijām, kur viņas visas tiek vilktas mugurā. Kurš gan normālā Parīzes restorānā būtu smējies tik traki, ka nokritis no krēsla, kurš būtu gājis ar mani uz dāmu tualeti, lai palīdzētu atvērt aizspraustās durvis, kurš cits būtu taisījis garšīgas vakariņas mums, meitenēm, un tad arī uzcepis mājas cepumus, un kad man ir skumīgi, ietinis folijā un paslēpis somā, lai man liktu pasmaidīt. Un vēl un vēl un vēl. Tā laikam ir tiešām draudzība no pirmā acumirkļa.

no time

Beidzot šodien noskatījos Inception ar Leonardo Di Caprio un manu sen iemīļoto franču aktrisi Marion Cotillard. Es protams jau kuro reizi atkārtošos, bet nu tik tiešām Leo nav sliktu filmu, un ja esi samaksājis naudu par kino ar viņa izpildījumu, nekad savu pirkumu nenožēlosi. Nu un protams šarmantā Marion, viņā ir kaut kas, tāds neizskaidrojami šarmants, kā slavenajai Audrey Tatoo, ko īsti nevar izskaidrot, laikam gan franču šarms. Bet franču šarms arī ir kaut kas ļoti nosacīts, jo pārsvarā visas francūzietes ir nevīžīgas un nekopj sevi, ar ļoti neciešamu raksturu un vulgaritāti... bet dēļ tādām, uz pirkstiem skaitāmām, aktrisēm kā Marion Cotillard, Audrey Tatoo, Brigitte Bardot, Vanessa Paradis, franču sievietes tēls tik tiešām tiek augsti celts un stereotips ir pavisam cits kā realitāte.

Runājot par stereotipiem, manuprāt tas aprobežo mūsu pasauli, rada konfliktus un domstarpības.

No mana pašas dzīves - franču kults, Latvija, Rīga un ielenes, lēts sekss, One Republic un tik ļoti briesmīgā dziesma Apologize, kas ir izveidojusi iespaidu par lētu popgrupu, tas pats briesmīgais stereotips par Leonardo Di Caprio kā sieviešu mīluli un skaistuli no Titānika, un vēl tik ļoti ļoti ļoti daudz kas, kas ir tik ļoti NĒ!

Katrā ziņā filma ir noskatīšanās vērta! Allez y, mes amis!

ai, bet kā man ir apnikušas stulbās mazās zīmes facebook lapā, stulbie mazie komentāri pie manām bildēm, statusiem, un joki no tavas puses par Latviju! Liec mierā visu, kas ir bijis, ja esi pietiekoši liels kretīns vai arī gejs, kas būtu pašsaprotamāk, lai nespertu lielāku soli! Tā vien gribas izdzēst tevi no draugiem, bet zinu, ka tādā veidā vēl vairāk tev izdabāšu, jo tev liksies, ka man neesi vienaldzīgs! Bet ir tik ļoti opposite!

Autobusa vadītājs, kas izklaidē pasažierus, stāstīdams jokus, bet tiešām smieklīgus un patiesi smaidu izraisošus, izpildot savu ikdienas maršrutu..

Veca vecmāmiņa autobusa pieturā, kas, gaidot autobusu pienākam pretī ļoti krāšņai un iespaidīgai baznīcai, iestāsta visiem klātesošajiem gaidītājiem, ka netic baznīcai un tas viss ir muļķības, to esot izdomājuši bagātie cilvēki sen sen atpakaļ, lai mierinātu nabagos un teiktu, ka laimīgs ir tas, kas ir labu darījis, un tas nonāks paradīzē. Traki stāstīja vecāmāte, bet man laikam ir mazliet viņai jāpiekrīt.

5 vai 6 reizes viena un tā paša maršruta izpildīšana, ar vairāk par 20 kg smagu bagāžu, lai beidzot sasniegtu mērķi un pārvāktos. Galvenais, ka viss tas tikai pagaidu variantam, proti, kaut kas līdzīgs mani sagaida atkal ja ne pavisam drīz, tad nu tuvāko mēnešu laikā noteikti.

Izpētot mazliet savu rajonu, proti veikalus, tirdziņus un visu pārējo ar to saistīto, sapratu to, ka esmu iekūlusies nelielā ķezā un nonākusi dārgā pilsētas daļā. Ļoti dārgā. Nopirku 3 nektarīnus pa 5 Eiro kopā un tad vēl gribēju arī ķiršus, bet diemžēl 19.99 Eiro par kilogramu mani atturēja.

Jauna, super mīlīga istaba, sestā stāva studentu kopmītnēs. Patīk ļoti, 10 minūtes no skolas. Nav internets pagaidām, jāčāpo uz 1 stāvu lejā, lai pieslēgtos, bet drīz būs arī istabā, jo tomēr saprotu to, ka internets istabā ir kas tāds, bez kā mana ikdienas dzīve nav iedomājama.

Pankūku, arbūza un quiche ēšana pie sen neredzētām, bet tik ļoti dārgām meitenēm. Gaidam skolu visas, lai beidzot būtu kopā vairāk un izbaudītu otro universitātes gadu.

Ā, un tad vēl mazliet bēdas par sava vecā dzīvokļa pamešanu. Tik daudz kas saistīts ar to. Gare de Lyon ir vienkārši labākais rajons pasaulē, mana mazā paradīze, kur ir noticis tik daudz, tik daudz smieklu, un mīlestības, un jaunu tikšanos. Tik ļoti smagi bija pamest. Sēna un saulriets un kuģi, un ģitāra, un draugi, mazliet pīpes un tad jau ir viss ir, tad pastaigas pa parku, grāmatu lasīšana vienatnē, ķiršu ēšana, ģitāras spēlēšana parkā, superīgie pārdevēji, kurus jau uzrunāju uz tu superīgajā veikalā Chez Jean, kur var nopirkt visu neiespējamo. Jā, Gare de Lyon vienmēr būs vieta, kur gribēšu atgriezties.

Tad vēl nedaudz rūgtumiņš par dažiem cilvēkiem, bet gadās jau vienmēr, dzīve kā roze, tā ar ērkšķiem.

Tuvākajā laikā daudz darba, brāļa atbraukšana, dokumentu kāŗtošana ar dzīvokli un skolu, maz miega, un jā.. es joprojām gaidu savus mīļos atbraucam. Septembris jau pavisam drīz. Tad būs labi.

Un tad es vēl izdomāju, ka gribu vēstules. Man tagad tāda jauka siena istabā, ar ziņu dēlīti, kur visas vēstules varēšu piestiprināt, un tad būs atmiņas. Man vajag Jūsu adreses. Atceros, kaut kad Oktobrī Parīzē gribēju aizsūtīt visiem skaistas kartiņas, jau biju nopirkusi un pat aizgājusi uz pastu, nopirkusi pastmarkas, lai sūtītu.. tad uz aploksnes es uzrakstīju Līgai un Ievai Kornei... Salaspils, Latvija... un tālāk vairs negāja nekas uz priekšu. Ar visām citām bija tas pats. Es nezinu, kur Jūs dzīvojat, meitenes! J))

*Jeff Buckley – Dream Brother

Does the fairytale love exists? The stories with the happy endings when "you understand how much you love somebody and you turn back and see him turning back and kissing you in the rain"? There should be this love, it makes me hope.

I remember once I surely had that feeling, when you are living through second by second and have impression that these tiny seconds are turning into long and endless minutes and every movement of yours is slowed down. I remember it so well how was I crying at the porch, thinking that I would never open the door and see him standing beside the car waiting for me anymore, that I would never feel the smell of him and we would never sit together in the car, driving the night Paris. But this did happen, and that moment felt like a fairy. When the most unexpected happens, something that you have dreamt about... you still don't believe.

Fairytale story is something you have to experience to understand. It is something that only big and famous authors can describe in their books, or talanted directors and actors in their movies. And music describes it, it does indeed. And it is beautiful that people are still hoping for it to become true. This truly shows the humanity people have kept inside, despite the new and cruel world we are living in.

I miss my friend

When you come back, we will go to the woods again

And play the innocence

Does thinking about the consequences always lead you to the satisfaction, the most wanted and desired? Does following the restrictions one have made to himself make him feel better or maybe... somewhat a person in a cage? People fear to put the wrong step to the direction they don't know where the end is. This is basically the fact why the world stop turning. I ask to myself too many times why didn't I do this and why didn't I say that. So many things unsaid, so many laughters and tears not shared and this is all for nothing. Or maybe these are people themselves that make you hide in the shadow of someone bigger than you are. This someone may be yourself, somebody that you want to be, but you are afraid will never become. That someone that is keeping you inside and torching you. People turn too serious to everything they do, as they had their own black and white angel on the shaulder that shows the right and the bad way. I have such a big impression that they don't realise that they have only one, one life that can be shared and spent however they want. By writting all this I am refering to myself firstly. While making all borders, I know what I lose. I lose laughter, experience, tears, friendship. And this is the sense of our lifes, isn't it?

I met a person that made my mind think upside down. Everything I thought was wright before doesn't make any sense anymore. And what never made sense, now makes it to me. This person, that drives me crazy, and fascinates me at the same time. I have denied it for a long time... but now it is getting clear to me. I am thankful to him, and I know exactly what to do. Just to try and not to regret whatever is on my mind.

*Archive

Had a first professional photo shoot today. Alla was great, and I never doubted she wouldnt be. As for me, I am not too much into modeling, i can not make one face expression for a long time and i start to laugh, and Jeffrey, the photographer, made me laugh as well. Anyways pictures are going to be nice, after Jeffreys reediting. All in all a very great a day in a company of three.

I should never go to a bookstore! I would spend my last money to buy alll of them!

Saluuts un Eifeltornis un draugi, tie iistie, kas nekad nekraaps un nenodos!

I promise you that we're marching on

For those days we felt like a mistake,
Those times when love’s what you hate,
Somehow,
We keep marching on.

For those nights when I couldn’t be there,
I’ve made it harder to know that you know,
That somehow,
We’ll keep moving on.

I am so stressed about finding appartement. When from the one hand I can finally afford one on my own, on the other hand I can not simply get it, because nobody is gonna give me it just like that.. they need those garants and stuff... :( and omg... i can not get one... i am so afraid of staying here without any roof at all..:( awful feeling

Adressed to nobody. Boys would never understand that.

*From Le Love

Paul

Vakardien piepildiijaas veel viens no maniem sapniem. Dejot visu nakti non stopaa Paul Kalkbrennera ritmos. Tas bija kaut kas ljoti ljoti magisks. Cilveeks ar taadu harizmu. Ak. Skaisti!

Bijaam divataa ar Matthieu, lai arii pirms tam satikaam dazhus vinja draugus, un jauki paseedeejaam krastmalaa pie Seenas. Es iepazinu dazhas francuuzietes, kas pat likaas ljooti ljooti jaukas, kas gan ir ljoti diivaini, jo parasti vinjas ir baigaas maitas lol. Bet shoreiz viena no vinjaam tiesham ljoti jauka meitene, pat divas, viena no vinjaam Matthieu maasiica. Man taads prieks mazliet :)

Bet nu jaa, peec tam jau ar Matthieu uz koncertu... ar Dj OIZO un PAUL KALKBRENNER

OIZo bija kaut kas ljoti traks. Cilveeki gruutiijaas, kaavaas pie skatuves, man likas, ka nomirshu tajaa puulii.. visi bija kaa apnarkojushies.. bet Oizo daudz nespeeleeja, jo pienaaca Paul kaarta. Un vienkaarshi AK!!! Magique magique magique! Visi tie trakie aizgaaja, kas gaidiija Oizo... un visi tie forshi cilveeki, kam patiik Paul atnaaca... jo tiem, kam patiik Paul ir tikai un vieniigi forshi lol.

Mani tik ljoti piesaista Vaacija ieraugot Paul. Vinjam bija krekls ar Vaacijas karogu un vinjsh bija tik ljoti lepns par savu valsti... nevar pat paskaidrot.. bet tas bija superiigi. Vaacieshi ir lieli patrioti. Un jaa, veel dazhu labu superiigu draugu deelj es tiehsaam ljoti miilu Vaaciju, neskaitot arii to, ka Dens straadaa tur.

Vispaar man te daudz kas notiek. Vakar biju darbaa, tad uz afterwork party, kur satiku visus visus visus savus franchu draugus kopaa, big reunion taa teikt, bija forshi, bet muuzika bija kaut kas ljoti ljoti briesmiigs, comercializeets pasaakums, pietam katra dziesma skaneeja 1o sekundes, un tad mainiijaas cita. Nu lame. Tad no riita atkal gaaju uz darbu un vakaraaa uz Oizo un Paul.

Un ja saliidzina Will I Am Dj set, kas man arii likaas nu ljooti ljoooti labs ar Paul... iisteniibaa gruuti teikt kas bija labaaks, Will I Am tomeer speeleeja sveshu izpildiitaaaju trekus, kad Paul speeleeja tikai savus. Taa ir liela atshkjiriiba.

Nu un taa mees ar Matu nodejojaaam liidz seshiem no riita, kad jau saaka kurseet pirmie metro.

Viens no labaakajiem vakariem for sure!

Saw Twilight today The Hesitation part. Liked Edward and Jacob. I like the movie more and more with each part that comes out, though, i won't ever read the book that is kind of crap for children to say the least.

Dido and Faithless! :))

I was wondering about music and how does it influence people.

It is a shame for example, that i can not listen to my favorite tracks anymore because I have been listening to them at home, and now everytime I hear them, i get sad and think about home and stuff, and my sister who was dancing to all those tunes. That really sucks, as I really loove those tracks.

I remember some tunes that made me think about my ex a loong long time ago in october maybe... i remember how sad did i get when some of them showed up on my i pod, i always swithced another song, otherwise i would start crying... but surprisingly now, when I am listening to these tracks i don't feel any pain anymore, and finally I can enjoy the music, that is really good by the way!

Fortunately my other ex didn't listen to music that I liked, so I don't encounter any problems in this case!

Back in Paris again. It felt terrible at first, everything felt so strange and cold, nothing felt like home, but as we adopt to everything with the passing time, it feels better now. I have already been swimming and sunbathing in the pool, and went for a walk with my best friend, eating ice cream, near Trocadero. I just need to see all the people I care about here again... in this way you will more as at home.

There are a lot of changes in my work, two girls are leaving and two new girls are comming, I haven't seen them yet, but it is quite exciting to meet new people, and as I understood they are foreign origin that is also very cool.

So tomorow work, but tonight some more good friends to see!

home

Nothing feels better than home

This is what gives me chills:

Trentmoller
Paul Kalkbrenner
Miike Snow
Archive
Faithless
Deadmau5

and ofcourse 1R

at your own burial

why did I get so sick just before leaving to home :( I can hardly stand how much my ear hurts, i can't eat, can't drink because of the pain... and i am not ready to leave like that, to spend my night totally ill in the airport in Brussels, while waiting for the plane.. pills don't help me, they don't reduce the fucking pain :( I am sad.. and mad about it! :(

when the sun goes down in Paris

This is how we party and this is how we do!!!

PAUL KALKBRENNER le 09 Juillet!

I got promoted! It feels well! And after a week I will get home, 6 sleepless days and nights are coming on my way! Life is so hectic!

Il m'a dit un jour, écoute petit

Va cours rattrape ta chance

Vis ton rêve la vie te sourit

En une seconde, un oui, un non 

Tu passes à côté 

Ne pense pas dans le vent du courage

Vas-y élance-toi, 

Tu seras reçu par ceux qui t'aiment

Ceux qui dans le fond d'un regard

En silence te comprennent 

Et ils partageront les mêmes peines, les tiennes 

Ces centains de haine, 

les fois où tu parles trop

Les fois où tu dis rien tu fais rien

Quand tu as l'impression de vivre 

Toujours le même quotidien

Ne baisse pas les bras, ne lâche pas 

Prends le temps de te dire Qu'il y a un ange derrière toi 

Relève toi, 

et va trouver le plus fort en toi au fond de toi

Le bonheur est au bout des doigts 

Ne l'oublie pas!

I am looking for somebody sincere. The one who would not be occupied only with his own problems, but would listen and understand mines too! Because it looks like everything is fine with me, but I am not... I am not the one who will run out and scream in a bad voice that i feel bad. I will keep everything inside and bite my tongue not to say it out loud. This is the way I am. And it is very hard being me!

What a great support do i get from my job and my boss particulary! He said to consider the hotel as my second home and himself and all the staff as my family. And I really do!

I think I am going back to that old girl with long posts on her passport to paris. Many things have been going on in my life, and the short sentences that i wrote in here didn't show my life completely, though they showed what I felt!

The summer has come very fast, but it doesn't feel like summer. I don't have my Baltic sea, and my cat sunbathing in his garden outside my window, there's no swimming every single night with my friends at the moonlight, and there's no waterpipe .. this time it is different.. In Paris you can feel yourself as a prisoner, who can't escape from te city buzz and problems, and people.. you know, because people are problems.. they make problems... you do have parties, you do have fancy restaurants, friends, you do laugh and you do enjoy your life. But God I need rest, a bit of rest!

And yesterday my boss let me go on vacation! I am coming home! What an incredible feeling after some months of depression about the fact that I won't be able to come! I have those 7 days at home and I am so happy! Only those who are away can understand what it means, to be back in your room, and to speak your language, and to see your sister and mum, and friends, and drink tea in your room and smoking shisha and to take a bus Salaspils- Riga again, and pay those 60 centimes for that and go siging in a choire and go partying to Old Riga and yes, speak latvian! 26th of June

Song of magic!

Happy Birtday My Darling! :)

Big girls don't cry!

tomorow - last exam! And my first year in Sorbonne will be finished! Can' believe it! Time goes fast!

1Republic en Septembre! Magnifique!

i have to let go, but i can't

Yesterday's night - AWESOME! Today's work - not so awesome! :D

Tonight The Black Eyed Peas and after party with Will I am ! Woop woop! :)

I have never expected such birthday. With him. Tikai es un tu...

How can I find any book of Erich Maria Remarque in Paris? Is it a mission impossible? I can't believe it! Such an author and no books in french, only some... and in german? No way!

I've been looking today the way to get Visa to Australia. I think that I'm gonna leave. I know that it is crazy, but I can't stay in one place for too long. Master in Sidney, sounds gargeous as a plan, doesn't it!

Home is wherever I'm with you

I want this month to pass faster! May, stressful was, is and will always be!

oh, magic!

Taadaa diennaa gribas tikai saritinaatiees zem segas un guleet, un gaidit sauli, un kad lietus paarstaas liit. Pilniiga nekaanegribeeshana, mazliet depresija, bet tas paariet aatri!

Ok now oficcially I have one friend that lives (at least for some time is going to live) in Australia, Sidney! A big yeiii!!! So happy for him! Roman you prove me that dreams come true!

and you are reading my blog...

tu me manques, tu le sais!

and why do i have that feeling that i will have him back?

job job job school job job school job school job. Want a break and a party!

i can't stand sitting at home! tomorow night going out for sure!

After all is said and done,
i am not the one...

After all is said and done,
you are still the one...

Laimiigaakais cilveeks pasaulee! Beidzot redzeeju savu muuzikas dievu! Viss piepildiijaas!)))

last days, last week

I am tired as hell, but I am having so much fun!

Don't think that I'm pushing you away
When you're the one that I've kept closest!

I am starting to doubt about the concert this Thursday you know, because of the vulcano eruption! Will they be able to come?

roman's song

Roman, you are the best!)

I really like you, dear!
And thank you for your song!

I hope we meet sooon)))

resumé

I have got a new job.. and it is so perfect! I love it!

Still I have my old one which is starting to get on my nerves...

Today while trying to be in both, extra exhausted

But at least... I am occupied, and I gain money

And... I don't feel so forgotten from their side... even though they make me feel forgotten, so much!

But, it doesn't matter! I will survive, because I am survivor, and everybody loves me! In your faces all you, betrayers, who didn't even support me when I was sad, who didn't even care about how I feel.. not a single one!

You know that feeling when your love and friendship passes the border of hate and frustration?

I will smile anyway!

Another sad fact, it was the last day of Samuel's working day! I know that he likes me, and I like him too...

So dispite that we won't work together, we will meet, however! (when I say that he is sexy and cute, I really MEAN it! A perfect guy I would say...)

And at least he won't destruct my attention while working, haha

Thank you Samuel, this time it's you, my rebound guy))

Vinnijs Pūks jautāja sivēnam: Kas šodien pa dienu? Sivēns atbildēja: Šodiena. Vinnijs nopriecājās: Šodiena ir mana mīļākā diena!

Un es esmu kurpju terminators)))

Mais pourtant de temps en temps je suis triste quand meme, quand j'y pense, comme c'etait bien

Ok, now I am fine :)

And I smile :)

And I don't care about people who don't know/learn to live along with their heart! :)

As hard as love can be, it’s harder still, it seems
To be a lover all alone, without love.

Blog is like your secret world, you can hide here from everyone! You can say whatever you want, you will never be punished! When I have my hard times (like now), it makes me feel better, when I writte mine, or I read the one's of my friends... It is a world of creativity and self expression! Thank you!

Do you know where your heart is?
Do you think you can find it?
Or did you trade it for something
Somewhere better just to have it?
Do you know where your love is?
Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong, but
Nothing's turned out how you wanted

abandoned, this is exactly how i feel

как мне грустно

I broke up with you today. I broke up with you after five months together. Five months that to me didn’t mean so much.

I thought it would be an easy breakup. I would explain that my feelings had simply gone away; it had nothing to do with you. That was the truth. It had nothing to do with you. In never had.

See, you were the boy who was there to make me feel loved. Sure, you were smart, you truly cared about me and you were always there. But hey. You weren’t that funny. You didn’t dress very well. And you weren’t all that good looking. For me, there was no spark. I wanted that spark. I deserved that spark.

So I simply told you. I told you that my feelings for you had gone away. I somehow forgot to mention that I never really had had feelings for you.

You broke down in tears. You told me that you understood. You told me that you´d probably keep loving me for a couple of months, and that I would have to let you do that. I didn’t know what to do else than to wrap my arms around you and bury my face in your t-shirt. It smelled like you. Oh right. You smelled good too.

Then you told me you really wanted to be friends. I had been your life the past five months, and you didn’t know how to go on living without me. I told you I really wanted that too. That I promised to never let you slip out of my life. You let out a sigh of relief and told me how absolutely perfect I was and how much you appreciated your time with me.

That night I sat alone in my bed and cried. Cried because I realized that I had the perfect guy in my life. The perfect guy who I not only didn’t have feelings for, but had fooled to believe that I had. And so I realized that breaking up with you was the right thing to do. Not because I deserve better. Because you do.

/by Le Love

7 notes

Just listening to OneRepublic and wondering if it's possible to touch your soul so deep with one simple song?

______________________________________

You have your 7 piano notes.. play with them, one rule exists though - you have only 7!

And then writte a song that changes someone's life... ain't music a magic?

first Easter without family and coloured eggs..

just can't stop laughing!

So happy to be with one of the dearest people in the world (Liene, Lieniite, Nico and Alla)

if u just knew what i want...

I hate dreams. I really do.

They are weird and sceary and bad and not true!

I'd rather didn't fall asleep at all than saw the dreams that I see...

Had two very very and again VERY difficult tests in methodology of english and british civilization! Mentally exhausted!

Oh I miss that time when we would go out and take photos.

And then we would go back home very late or stay till very early in the morning smoking waterpipe and laughing...

And life seemed so innocent then...

Like a Dandelion parachute ball...

I love how it rains all night! It makes me dream about good things while listening to raindrops. And then you open the window and feel the air, the summer scent...

won't stop

I swear it's you
I swear it's you that i waited for
I swear it's you
I swear it's you that my heart beats for
And it ain't gonna stop
It just won't stop!

I just forgot how much I love this song! To death!

shoes shoes shoes shoes shoes partout!!!

kuuka

Veel viens smiekliigs incidents!

Shodien metro peec jaunaa darba (yeei) man priekshaa seedeeja sieviete (ap 30). Seezh, seezh... tad izvelk no somas shkjiivi ar kuuku un dakshu! Un saak eest! NU KAS IR AR JUMS CILVEEKI? WHY ARE YOU SO BIZZARE????? :D lool

today

Ok guys! The joke of the day!

Somebody just stole all my panties from the laundry!

Heeellloooo! Is it normal? People???

I am quite sure it was a guy I saw in the laundry! He was checking me out and then when i left (for some half an hour)... he waited and picked all the panties out from the washing machine!

Heeellloooo again!!!

Looks like his girfriend will have a present! Or what else is he going to do with them? Frankly, I have NO idea!

How lame!

However this incident will cost me much!

H2O 3. sezina ir klát!!!!)))

lv

Jau ieprieksh atvainojos visu latvieshu priekshá par to, ko teikshu, bet diemzhél latvieshu valoda nekam neder. Neviens vinju nezin, nevienam vinja nav vajadzíga. ça sert a rien de la connaitre. Tá ir! Un mani te uztver ká trilingue (trís valodígo cilvéku lol), kaut gan es esmu ísts un neviltots chetrvalodígais! :D

Bet nu labi! Patriotisma péc es tomér priecájos, ka zinu sho valodu ( pamazám sáku gan aizmirst). Priecájos par visiem LV superígajiem cilvékiem, Jánjiem, júru, un tá...

Pamazám sák gribéties uz máju pusi! Ípashi jau vasará, kad bús silts! Un es beidzot redzéshu savu másinju, kas jau párvértusies par tádu lédiju, ka ak vai! Pieméra pati sev kleitinjas un danco spogulja priekshá!

Es vinu noteikti njemshu pie sevis, kad paaugsies.

Tádai lédijai jámácás un jáaug Parízé!)

galja

árpráts, franchu kulinárija ir kaut kas neiedomájams! Shodine édu gliemezhus, pagája vismaz divdesmit minútes lídz es dabúju vienu no vinjiem savá muté! Nu vienkárshi nevaréju sanjemties! Párák biresmígi likás! BET izrádás tik njamígi, tieshám!!! Gribu gribu gribu gribu vél!

Un tad vél ja esat franchu restoráná un pasútat kádu galju, jús nedomájat ka jums atnesís normáli saceptu galju, bús jums 2 sekundés apcepts bivshteks, tá lai no árpuses ir brúns, bet iekshá viss ir jéls un glotains... fui fui fui fui...

un kas ir vél trakák! Jús zinat noteikti ká taisa kotletes? To masu no sákuma uztaisa un tad sataisa bumbinjás un tad cepj! Tad lúk franchi necepj!!! Vini vienkárshi to masu éd ar kartupeliem, vnk pretígi!!! tieshám fui fui fui! shodien Nico pasútíja to édienu un tas pietam vél ir vina mílákais! UN es nepárspíléju - vienkárshi auksta jéla maltás galjas massa ( ar olu un piedevám iekshá).

Dzívniekédáji!!!! Un vél vini nenoliedz faktu, ka varétu tápat vinkárshi jélu dzívnieku apést, jo tieshi tur slépjas galjas ístá garsha!

UN ES SHAJÁ VALSTÍ PLÁNOJU PAVADÍT VISU SAVU MÚZHU???????????????????

I am waiting for that stupid call!

Regina Spector - Dusseldorf

MM

"We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets."
— Marilyn Monroe

She was wonderful.

nationality

Trying to find my identity! National identity. Who am I? Russian? Latvian? What am I doing in France? And why am I writting all this in english? It's too confusing.

I'd like to have a blog written in my language.

But I simply can't.

Like half of passporttoparis readers I know doesn't speak latvian... or russian (?)

I am just wondering.. later, when maybe i'll have my children and grand-children or I don't know... somebody who would be interested to read the blog (my sister for example), why would she read all this in english?

it is complicated

я думаю о жизни..

Jehh Buckley - Hallelujah

Florence + The Machine

ticket

I have a ticket I have a ticket I have a ticket! I am going to see him! Ryan!!! And only 20 euros for a dream to come true! Because guys you see - how close am I gonna be? !!!!

Nouveau Casino

Ok, so all my friends who know my obsession to this group share my hapiness wih me!
OneRepublic IS COMING TO PARIS, on april 22!

This is where they are going to play! A little scene, and and and I will be sooo close! Oh my dear! I am shaking from hapiness!!!!

Brothers

Have been to the cinema a lot the past two weeks

Seen "Cherlock Holmes" - nothing so interesting and special, to say the truth

A "Shutter Island" with Leonardo Di Caprio - one of the must - see movies, for sure.

But today's storie of "Brothers" just blew me away! The performance of Tobey Maguire, Natalie Portman and Jake Gyllenhaal trio was excellent! I mean, really - Tobey Maguire! Like WOW! All the story, I am still in a chock! Just see this movie and you'll all understand what am I talking about!

And then Bailee Madison, a child actress, playing the role of Izabelle in the movie was sooo touching. I have no words.

This movie just "took me" as deep as it could have!